if they could, the stars would dim for you, one by one

what becomes of the hero that lives beyond his glory
that dies not in shining bravery upon the battlefield
nor in defense of the common
nor in the name of justice
but instead passes beyond this world
weak and languishing
shedding hair and weight and each breath more shallow than the last
is there a vahalla that awaits him?


we left smallville {some for metropolis, some for smallerville}

they tore down that old pink house by the side of the interstate
they didn't care about the slums, the ghetto, the barrio
black, brown, or white
they left most of it alone
to continue to decay, rot, fester
just cleared and cleaned the narrow corridors
that pass between the airport
the zoo
and the sanitized downtown
the hung banners and lamp posts that look like gaslights to go with their redbrick fantasy of a yesterday that never quite was
they tarted up the shabby streets we played on
and put lights into the places we explored in darkness
the people we knew have been changed
or we have such that we no longer trust them
nor ourselves nor our past nor the redbricks and gaslights
we have all become deceptions
our histories are false and distorted and wine rose colored imitations
that we rewrite, edit and rework in the long and lonely night

caveman shopping trolley

native flora
in purple royal bags

the oddly deep voice
of skinny geek from kansas city
a digital child but tonight rendered analog
sounding more intelligent than i assume he is
an authority strictly on the unconfirmed

the stolen faces of found animals

deja vu flavored black and white spiders
apples and potatoes and other rustic intentions
misquoting indian poets
failed attributions
and the best lines are stolen
serial numbers filed down and a quick fresh coat
if i could only quote myself as i do thoreau

when thunderbirds and cow bells were authentic and of some significance

this digital age and it's deluge of information
sweeps away yesterday
or waters it down into quaint
(or worse)
ironic
nostalgia
our memories become flaccid and uninspiring
thumbnailed onto silent 8mm lacking SMPTE
polaroids without benefit of photoshop
just red eyed and yellowing yesterdays
and the march of the unrecorded
from arbor to west seventh

the blizzard
just after christmas, toys still smelling of fresh plastic
and the snow lay heavy
drifting over the transom

and the trash ablaze, plastic bags melting
the autumn leaves providing tinder
the smell of the radiator and the rain walking home
along emerson street

and your lazy and lost attempts
that i suddenly empathize with
and i wonder if my hatred for you was such that
it scarred me with it's searing heat
branded me with the pain
and only so that i may feel remorse or the smallest part of sympathy
i must go through it as well
but not just the blade thrust into your heart
i feel the twisting as well
today's cellphone is yesterday's vcr
your legacy is my hairshirt
and i guess i should be more thankful that most of yesterday
isn't so completely archived



7077

she is best remembered:
eyes as dark as cherries under the amber highway lights
escaping the glare that is the city
pushing past the airport
searchlights and screams above
as free as a half full vodka bottle rolling under the driver's seat
while the full moon follows closely
innocence fades through the rear windshield of the old Galaxy


an apology (again)

i am sorry
for my empty hands
and the burden they put upon you
i am a fool, it seems
put on by these dreams so vivid
but of little truth
my father and mother had empty hands
they sent me off to school with hope and a rubber check to pay for books
there
they filled my head
with facts and ideas enough that they began to push out the simpler things
like my mother and father
my head was full
but my hands were still empty

which meant little to me, though it should have
but i was content to play with my thoughts and ideas
and live night to day
with little remainder

but now
i watch you in the kitchen
after a long day that tries to dull the light in your brown eyes
but never succeeds
i watch you
gathering the spices and chopping the vegetables and giving yourself over to the three of us
even after giving so much of yourself already to the rest of the angry world that lashes out because it is backed into the same corner we are

and i hate these empty hands
that they can't give you the comfort you deserve
that your every desire is not within my ability to fulfill
that i can not ease your feet and burden they way i that do in my daydreams
and i hate that my empty hands are your empty hands too
and their empty hands as well

most of all
i need to see that my hands are full
void of wealth and comfort maybe
but filled by our tiny hand in mine
facing challenges and trials
and bigger than my hands
are my arms
and you laying peaceful and dreaming in them in the last few moments of the fleeting day
your tomorrow
my yesterday
the brief interval of time we share
the seconds and minutes
and maybe an hour or two
when these empty hands are insignificant
when all that matters are my arms
wrapped around the warmth of your body in our bed
in the dark and cold night
that i fought so long with nothing in my defense but empty hands
and it grew and stalked me
the darkness that would feed upon the human soul
and cares not about hands, empty or full
but can be defended against only by the shield of true love
laying warm and breathing slow in my arms and against my body
in the dawning eastern light refracted off the butte
when there is nothing in the world but you and i
between darkness and dawn
waking and dreams
my hand filled with yours
and yours filled with mine



the terms of separation

there's a fire burning in the mountains
and the cold is blowing in
but the light is just right in the late afternoon
it makes it easy to forgive this town it's missteps and false starts
take it when you can get it
life's profit margins are razor thin
most likely you'll be broke and wheezing your last by sunset tomorrow
so enjoy these fading days in the slipping season

"I told you so, you damned fools" *

let's celebrate today
as the day that tomorrow was born
many years ago
even though
i have no car at all
let alone one that flies
but we have traffic ringing in our heads like rain and sparks
like a yesterday from an incense filled house on a dark and curved road
what is the half life of sentiment, radiating throughout weak moments and poisoning us slow and unnoticeable?

you invented a new sort of dreaming
thinking
creating and playing
pondering of what might become
what the crops we have sown might look like come their reaping
nightmares come true much more often then dreams
i have learned

we float between the harvest moon
a full and bright target
and the cold and colorless autumn desert landscape
heads high and filled with cavorite
we wonder which is more barren and lifeless

*H. G. Wells

i can clearly recall hand turned tv antennas and the day they lowered the roof

satanslayers and devil orbs
strange doctors ride with the valkyries
in my mind's crimson eyes of an orb
fruit loops and the late show
cowboy detectives in muscle cars
cops with chops
and witches hung with care


a sample menu

roots from a limestone cellar
vegetables from the begging bowl
peasant's pot of beans
wino's empty bottles

the smell of canadian tobacco (an immigrant's morning kiss)

she smokes a lonely cigarette
in the four o'clock chill before the sunlight has cracked the egg of the night sky
the boys still deep in northern dreams
and her mother wheezing from the open window above
the same prayer each morning
and she is off into the darkness
her hands stiff and tired before the dawn cares to notice
to pay for water the kids can't drink
and the clean air they leave in jugs every monday morning
each dawn is a last chance ignored
ya' know?

the confession of Gary Mills

bone rattling and rain soaked dogs
gleaming in the twilight under the post office flag
blind grandmother porch song beneath a harvest moon
mustang lean and mother's loamy flesh
caked underneath father's dirty fingernails
an auctioneers gavel stalks grandfather's dreams
with the seed of debt stitched upon their brows
the town circles around them

the scenery only changes from soy to corn
and back again
another endless circle

story book incense, milwaukee gutter spill, and some girls from easyville
jubilant and lonesome
and more than a little ignorant
of what a whole life is
indignation is a ghost
hypocrisy is an uneasy ally
middle town adventures in a small age
(still)
there are somethings we never outgrow
or is it that our cage is too narrow to allow us?
maker's glove box mark mutes the need for an answer.

tomorrow will be sunday
god and the corn will be forgotten
drunken dreams in barnyard shadows
woken by a blind dog barking at the september wind
heaven and voids swallowed and forgotten with burnt black coffee
dinner for breakfast
today
tomorrow
yesterday
this is home

page 247 of a one hundred year old unabridged english dictionary is the most desirable rolling paper

some people treasure the act of writing
as if it were a joy
like smoking pot
but for some of us it's like breathing
a necessity that is more pressing at times than others


a toucan in a cage in a cabin on lake huron

We tried to explain to her that we didn't want to do it, we simply had to. We had little choice. She never once looked up, just lay there sobbing into her pillow's goose down. The snow was getting deeper we told her and there was no telling how long it would be before the road out was clear.

We would just have to eat the bird.

She argued at length, various points of intricately moral logic she had worked out in her pet's defense. She called us monsters, fiends and a deal of other less polite names and at one point tried to strike us. At last, we were blunt. The snow was getting deeper. We had been in the cabin for three days. We were hungry. We had no choice

She squawked louder but gave no struggle. We felt remorseful, but the hunger in our bellies was growing stronger and our mouths had already began to water at the thought of the bird.

I wish i could say i didn't enjoy it, didn't relish the taste but that would be a lie. It was cooked to perfection, the cranberry pecan stuffing inside still steaming. We drizzled it with a rich heirloom tomato garlic confit that accentuated the lobster risotto equally. Adding in the suckling pig and persimmon pudding there was little doubt that we could ride the storm out for a few more days, renewed and strong.

invocation to the ghost of good ole down home radicalism

“While there is a lower class I am in it; while there is a criminal element I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free”
-Eugene V. Debs


down the hill they are still awake
loud drunken laughter
in the earliest hours of Monday
and tomorrow
over beers, barbecues, and football
Pullman will never once cross their minds
in the latest hours of Sunday
the sound of digital gunfire spills from a window across the street
and ricochets off of the houses and retaining walls
i am reminded of Haymarket Square
my great grandfather, thin and drowning in his blacklung coughs
the oil and grease fingerprint stains on my grandfather's teamster magazines

there aren't many parades anymore
just back to school sales
as we move from makers
to doers
and try to pretend
we are not your children
but our hands are as rough and cracked
our backs just as broken
as you know they are

we have forgotten the nobility of the dirtborn
the fragility of our position
and the extent of the power we could wield
we have become but impotent servants
of the landlords and their ilk
then wonder why our souls feel empty
tattered
and long ago sold

would this surprise you
to know the foremost phrase in the modern working class jargon
has become
"May I help you?"

would it surprise you
to see your home
to see the highland now?
the things they have done to dishonor your memory
does your sister's husband rest in peace
apart and unguarded
since they took Stiffy Green from his crypt
and placed him in the county museum?
they talk of ghosts enough here
of the woman in purple velvet
of the laughs and screams and blood in the 12th street woods
even of Stiffy Green's bark sounding out from the cemetery gates
but never of yours.

the worst is
south of town
the sprawling gulag they have built
in these parts they like to call their prisons "farms"
but they have more to do with reaping than sowing
this is where they murdered Mc.V
the killer they created
who outlived his usefulness
and turned rabidly upon his creator
while the innocent and unknowing
the unshielded and those used as shields
your people
died
where they murdered Garza
where they murdered Jones

can't you see?
we need you
to show us
again
the way
Terre Haute needs you
Bend needs you
Cleveland and Chicago need you
Lowell and Johnstown need you
Gary and Louisville need you

the unemployment lines get longer every day
and the cabinets get more bare
foreclosure and for sale signs crop up
evasive species sprouting exponentially
and we have fractured across the wrong lines
with neither the sense nor strength to call upon your spirit

calliope

when i was five my mother took me to the circus. It was a rainy august night and the thunder spooked the monkeys. They stampeded, leaving their little fezs and vests crushed in the mud alongside the trampled corpse of my mother. All the while the
Leipzigs stood watching with bared teeth, flinging their feces at the crowd.

my mother will tell you this is not what happened at all. i guess it's just one of those rashomon things.

petty nobility (jackson county, indiana 1984)

late night or early morn
the wind blows hard, breaking like a wave across the butte
and cascading across my house, bearing the smell of changing seasons
my television is playing 26 years ago
those images of my past chronicled for all to see
a train rumbling through town
past decaying and abandoned grain silos
three grey fingers behind the IGA
the balding derelict winos in the derelict hotel smoking and passing their brown bags, nodding sloppily as you ride, careful to avoid the broken glass that litters the corner
the trailer park where my father's friend lived on the outskirts of town,
a huge lumbering man, bearded, backwoods, and brilliant
rolling his joints in the wood stove heated living room of his mobile home
and his daughter who wrote fantasy stores
a quietly intelligent poorly dressed princess
in her aluminum capsule at the edge of an ancient forest
and it's there, lacking the detail,
a departure point for a tired and restless mind
think of trains and home
and you shall get trains and home
i wonder which came first
and of course it is the trains
and home
the derelict covered bridge, new highway built parallel to it
decaying but standing, century old timbers covered with last weekends graffiti
red paint peeling in the summer humidity
the green brown river deep and surging in the gaps beneath your feet
seemingly far and removed yet ever just a fall away
and perhaps i've achieved escape velocity
but have forgotten to account for orbital decay

i am removing the american flag decal you have placed over my mouth

you talk so much about change
how about you spare some for your brother
but you pass him head down on the streets
every day
i have struck that right check enough
turn your left upon me
you sniveling blue mongrels and bitches
you think it's a game because you are tired of the killing
now
and your wallets are empty
but change doesn't come easy
fucking fools
it doesn't come from a magical machine and the lever you pull
once the landslide begins, it's to late for the pebbles to vote
and you are pebbles casting stones for pebbles
perhaps smoother but still pebbles
your statesmen are as limp and useless as your sense of justice and fairness
we march in empty streets and preach in empty churches
even if our brothers speak the truth
you'll never listen
you say you are one of us
but you don't' know anything about
selma
freeman field
emma goldman
mother jones
rigoberta menchu
das kapital
subcomandante marcos
you say you are of the american people
yet you know nothing of its history
of the culture that has created and subdued you
and you know nothing of those of us who work our fingers
cracked and bloody to eke out a living
and struggle to pay the rent
who go for days with emptying cupboards
like sand in an hourglass, morsel by morsel until payday
or the old man in the electric wheelchair checking his mail
by the bustling street in a small town
where jobs are dying as quickly as dreams
you who think rise up is some catchy line in a song
we should drive the empty slogans from your voices by shoving our raised fists down your throats