Bent and Beat

i told her she was haunting me

and she said "i always told you that i would"

but not in a productive way, i tried to explain

you are always there, quite tenacious just hanging in the periphery of my being

but never in a chain rattling otherworldly way

neither frightening nor necessarily enlightening

just the dull ache of your absence

a fuzzy spectre of loss

a dark shadow across my moods

she protested, "but i told you"

yes, yes

but i always thought it would be more exciting like Hamlet

not twisted and melancholy like Hamlet

i thought it would be mist and pots rattling

flowing and ragged white linen and whispered omens

not this

this unfilled place, unhealed by time,

the phantom limb you place around my shoulder

finding you not in some static filled EVP recording

but clearly among the lyrics of a random song

you possess my children, i can clearly see your face there at times

staring back at me from a place you never knew could exist

there you are

though you are gone

perfume, smoke, rolling dice, and rattling bottles remain